The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

***SPOILER***

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU PLAN ON READING THIS BOOK.

SERIOUSLY, I MEAN IT.

DON'T SPOIL IT THE WAY I DID FOR MYSELF.

***

My jaw is still open from the ending of the book. And I finished reading it yesterday. And I saw it coming (because I was reading summaries of Series of Unfortunate Events and this was one of the literary references, so naturally, I had to look it up,  but I stopped myself when they mentioned that the ending would be mind-blowing, which it was). That speaks volumes.

Anywho, because I looked it up and read that the ending was mind-blowing, I always had the pretense in the back of my head of who the killer was. But Agatha Christie does a really good job of distracting me with other potential suspects from time to time. The more I read, the more I was sucked into this mystery. At first, I had my doubts because the old English diction was slightly overwhelming, but as I read on, I realized it mattered less and less to me and the characters' secrets more and more. Apparently, a lot of critics labeled the book as controversial because of its "deceptive" ending, but I absolutely LOVED it. It was exactly the kind of clever twist I always admired about "good writers" (and I put that in quotations because this is how I attribute a good writer and not necessarily how you do it). Above all, the perspective was what I appreciated the most. Just... what a clever idea! It engaged me so much that I consciously had to make a note to detach myself from the book. Oh, what a joyous experience! I'm still beaming from its trippiness.

The Rift

You told me to stop ignoring the signs,
Confront your problems.
Little did I know, you were talking about us.
Or maybe you weren't, but all I can see is us.
Well, now I'm looking at us,
I'm trying to fix us.
But the more I try, the more you want from me.

Maybe it's the timing.
Maybe it's "growing up."
Whatever it is, I feel it.
I know you feel it, too.

This rift.
It's coming.
It's here.

Which burner do I cut off?

• Work: Immediate no. I need the source of income. Part of developing myself is devoted to my professional career and learning and just taking it all in. I can't outsource this because it's something I have to do myself. There is no shortcut.
• Health: I would if I could but I can't so I won't. Of all the categories, I feel like if I could neglect this, I would. But I physically cannot. Without maintaining my health, I cannot fully perform the functions needed in the other categories. So this category is almost intrinsic to the others. You can't help others until you help yourself.
• Family: It's sad that this isn't an immediate no. But without this, I wouldn't know who I am or what I stand for anymore. I feel like I've already minimized this category all that I can without completely losing the essence of it. I rarely see family members that I used to see weekly (partially because of current circumstances and partially because of "growing up"). 
• Friends: I feel like this is the one I've been neglecting the most. "Friends" have been bringing up this topic more often? I don't feel like I've completely lost connections and I'm content with my amount of friendship exposure, but I guess others feel otherwise. With regards to the other categories, this is the only one I'm willing to compromise on, so I guess I'll just have to deal with the consequences.

rainbows and moons

Yesterday, after a rough start, I saw a double rainbow and it gave me hope.

Today, I saw a full moon--the kind with the perfect arrangement of wispy clouds and the wolves howl to. It was more beautiful than the rainbow.

I wouldn't classify myself as a superstitious person, but I like to believe. I like to find meaning and I like to think that somewhere out there, there are powers that help us out by showing us signs of hope.

I'm not sure what the point of this was, but I thought it was worth noting down. Shrugs.

Dear Mr. Henshaw

I chose this book after going through my emails and finding an old reading list from last year that I never got around to. I made this list after watching "Stuck in Love" (Mel's fave) and deciding that any book that changes a person's life that much (fictional or not) is worth reading. (Plus, it's another children's book. Slow and steady.)

Dear Mr. Henshaw had that sort of open-ended ending that always leaves me the slightest bit unsatisfied--maybe because I'm so used to happily-ever-afters. But it's a not the bad kind of unsatisfied; it's the kind that jolts you back into reality and helps you accept the things you can't change in your own personal life from the lessons you just learned from your fictional escape. I thought the style of writing (mostly one-way correspondence) was refreshing and I appreciated the author's inclusion of subtle details (i.e., typos) to show the progress of the protagonist's development--personally, and consequently, in writing. Overall, it was a nod to the recent events in my life: things suck but they'll get better. Just gotta figure out who my Mr. Henshaw is.

Inked

I want a tattoo so complex it does not exist. One that incorporates the colors of a kaleidoscope to represent Eric Hanson's poem. One that reveals a hidden image with the slight shift of perspective. One that shares the style of Rupi Kaur's illustrations. One that reminds me to stay grounded, but helps me remember to let go and be free, too. One that reflects my ideals and beliefs on the importance of family. One that allows me to continue on and catalog my memories.

I have a general idea of what I want it to be and how I want it to look and what symbols I want to incorporate, but it's still a work in progress. Like me. WIP.

The Little Prince

Let's try this again. I haven't written to you in a while and it somewhat saddens me because the length of time that I spent not writing almost seems so long such that I've forgotten how to write--how I  write. Hopefully, that comes back to me with time.

I finished The Little Prince yesterday. I actually started it months ago, when I first got back from school, before everything happened. I thought it'd be a good first book, considering the whole "finish what you start" philosophy I'm trying to adopt. So, I started and finished the entire book in one sitting. (It was a slow work day yesterday.) What can I say that hasn't been said yet? Being a translated children's book, obviously, the jargon was simple. Nonetheless, its simplicity did not undermine its depth. The book taught me to never forget my inner child--that though we age and change with experience, our perception is what defines us and keeps us true to ourselves. It's the difference between looking up at the stars and laughing or looking up at the stars and crying. Though the real world will say it's nonsensical, it's what makes us happy and them sad. Believe. Invest time in what you love. Appreciate life for what it is.

"L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."