HI OXNARD

Hehe, I tried to compose a very thoughtful message for you on here, Oxnard, but every draft was never good enough. Just imagine a flawlessly orchestrated slew of words expressing how I'm thankful silences aren't awkward between us. I'm thankful that I can talk about anything and everything with you. & I'm just thankful for you.

I really want you to know that you are one of the most edumacational, knowledgeable, intellectual people I have ever met. <3

P.S. Stay awesome.

These Days

I do not believe anybody has ever given me a book before and I was never happier to receive a book than when Oxnard surprised me on our last Weinerschnitzel adventure.

Just now, I finished the book. As unsatisfied as I was with the ending, (Oh, you shouldn't continue reading this if you plan on reading the actual book. Spoiler alert?) I can't help but accept things the way they are. Not because the author made it that way but because I understand? To say "I understand" is unsuitable. (Ooh, thesaurus.com updated its layout. Modern. User-friendly.) Naturally, hopeless romantic me wanted K and Connor to be together--happy ending, whoop dee doo, the whole shebang--and I was frustrated at first but then I realized that things don't always work out like in fairytales. (The author does a very good job of not giving away the ending either. Most endings are extremely predictable. I really had no idea how this one was going to turn out though.) K and Connor were in love and I still don't understand why K disappeared the way she did (not that I've given it much thought; I'm still trying to process things) but Connor helped K move on from her past--he became a tree ring in her life--and K inspired Connor to create the future--she became his muse. They helped solve each other and each played an important role in the other's life but they just weren't meant to be. They were too different? Still trying to figure that out.

It was a very thinky book though. Sigh, of all the words in the English dictionary, and I choose "thinky." It was a very relevant book, you could say? Haha, after all, it's called "These Days."

There's a lot more I'd like to say about this, but I can't really organize my thoughts right now. Maybe another day. LOL, knowing me, that's kinda never. Ask me about it.

P.S. I'm very tempted to change my voicemail now though. If only people left more voicemails. "/ I really do want to hear your answers.

P.P.S. This post was supposed to be organized and whatnot but now it's become just a jumble of words. But I like it like this. Once I refine it, it won't be the same. Sure, it may be devoid of typos and other sorts of grammatical errors, but this way, you can see my thought process, hear me think aloud, understand my priorities...

Anywho, g'night! (:

FLED's 1st Cranium WOW games

• "twins boho chic"
  MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN!
  *insert Danica's O.O face here*
• "PILATES" has ONE a.
• Ostrich is also not spelled "Ostritch"
• We should celebrate all FLED days til gloaming <3.
• The Prius is named after the Latin word "before."
• Add a skosh of salt every time you cook.
• A mullet is not the same thing as a mallet.
• "Too much tongue" should definitely be an answer for a "make-out mistake."
• Fiona's prairie dogs... BEST ARTWORK OF THE YEAR. & I still gotchu. (;

<3 my sisterhood, forever and always.

This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I was disappointed, in you, in her--actually, she doesn't really matter 'cause I've been disappointed in her for a while now and nothing much has changed since then. However, you--you mean the world to me and knowing that this happened--sigh, I guess you didn't technically lie to me but it hurt. You just didn't tell me where you were, but who am I to keep tabs on you. I found out through Facebook. It's not like you'd be doing anything better at home, I guess. Mixed feelings still.

Then I told my best friend and she made me feel all better again. & I got out of bed. & I started my day.

See, real life isn't like the movies. People rarely find out the good things you've done for them. But even so, you shouldn't quit trying. Sure, you're going to get hurt and your pain's not going to make much sense to a lot of people but never stop because you love them. & love is sacrifice. Haha, that's my definition anyway.

Haha, you're kind of sick and twisted but beautiful in your own way, like John Mayer.

You're a tortured soul.

& this is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person, but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself
Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
'Cause you know we're not the same.

I guess it's just the cycle of life, growing up and allathat, but I really hate all these revelations. It confuses me how you used to take me out to places, to do things and now you want me to do the same for your kids so you can get drunk and have an excuse to forget life's worries. But I'm not done being a kid yet. I'm still a kid. I'm still going places and doings things, just not with you anymore. So did you do all those things for me because you loved me or because you knew that one day, I would feel obliged to return the favor? Because right now, it seems as if you're using me and I don't like being used. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but I don't like being taken advantage of. I'm sorry to everyone I have ever made feel this way because I hate this feeling.

I hope you know I do everything because I actually love you, not because I expect something in return. When I make time for you, it's because you're important to me. Please don't push me because then you'll just lose me.

I don't even remember where I was going with this but it made sense in the shower... Mini rant/rage over! Anywho, g'night & let's hope tmrw's a better day! <3

Hehehe, kinda excited for the "City of Bones: Mortal Instruments" soundtrack! <3 Well, this is a first.

When I was in middle school, my dad used to help me with any math questions I couldn't understand. No, I didn't use Google back then like I do now. I wrote down the number on a sticky note and he would come home from work late at night and help me no matter how tired he was. As I grew older, problems became harder and I became more independent. I depended on myself and I guess my dad's been feeling frustrated because all this time, he's been watching me helpless--a feeling I knew too well.

Out of curiosity, I just asked him now about physics and he went into full explanation mode, reliving his days as my math tutor and walked back inside happier than usual, which made me extremely happy as well.

Dear Daddy, I'll always be your little girl. I love you forever and ever to the moon and back. <3

Today while I was driving, my car made beeping sounds--the one that alerts me to put on my seat belt--but my seat belt was on, so I thought my car was just whack. Then, I got on the freeway and even though I rolled up all my windows, I could hear the wind really violently. Hehe, turns out, when I shut the door after putting my backpack in the back, my lanyard got caught so my back door didn't really close properly. Anywho, I figured it was a short ride back and it was a minor problem (I looked back every now and then. My door was still closed... just, y'know, it could swing open if i made a sharp turn. ANYWHO...) so I just kept driving. I got to the end of the ramp where there was always traffic and I had to completely brake for a couple seconds. I figured, why not close my door while it's safe? So while still holding onto the wheel, I stretched my arm back to open and re-close the door and I guess the guy driving next to me saw and just kinda smiled/smirked at me and I could feel my face turning red cause he was kinda cute (like a younger version of Nathan Adrian?).

If this were a movie, I'd totally run into him again.
Too bad this ain't and I completely hid behind my hair to avoid eye contact with him the entire way through.

Hearing my dad try to be a matchmaker is kind of hilarious. xD

LOL, most socially awkward man I know,
but I love him to death. <3

Take a chance and risk making a mistake, rather than regret for the rest of your life.

mistakes > regrets?

As I was talking to my mother, I realized...
I follow the same principles for baking as I do with writing essays. I can make something look good, but not necessarily taste good. I nitpick at grammatical and spelling errors, but when it comes down to it, my writing lacks substance. I cannot explicate as well as I decorate.

Unfortunately, that's who I've always been, but I'm improving at least.
Or so I'd like to think. (:

You don't carry my head, okay? You carry daddy's head. I don't have a good head.

^I love my mom. She makes perfect sense. <3