It's hard to be a strong, independent woman with period cramps.

My dad will always make the best eggs.

Bucket list: to present a speech as moving and fluently as Emma Watson.

"If not me, who?
If not now, when?"

I'm constantly changing.

Is it too much of me to want you to feel the guilt and remorse that comes with all your words, actions, and decisions? I want you to know that you affect me with the simplest roll of the eye. I want you to recognize the pain and hurt associated with me. I want you to think about how I feel for once--put me first when it matters most to me.

I used to wave away these feelings, tell myself I didn't matter as long as you were happy, but you told me otherwise. Now I'm just tired... of thinking, keeping it all in like a massive reservoir of negative emotions. My walls are cracking and you're not helping the least bit.

What do I do when talking to you doesn't work--when trying is no longer beneficial to me or to you? Is this the end? Helplessness again?

Sigh, pizza didn't even help. Nor did tacos. Maybe I'm having another one of those attention-deficient days. Maybe we should all become dogs... or burritos... or sea lions. Yeah, sea lions.

nurture vs. nature

When your roots are hypocritical, judgmental, and downright discriminating, it's difficult to believe in your own morals and grow to be the person you want to be. As much as you try to shed yourself of the bad, you're always paranoid that deep down inside, you can never get rid of it completely because it's a part of you--because it's in your blood. Then you think, how and why are you a this person? Did these cynical people raise you to be the opposite to right their wrongs? Did you grow up and decide this yourself? Maybe you're actually one of them, but going through a morally rebellious stage.

Sigh... because family.

I hate it when people keep you just for the sake of having you. But not needing you. I could have been doing things I needed to do, things I wanted to do. I'm not choosing anyone else over you. I'm putting myself first. Then when you don't allow me to do what I wanted to, I cope and live and I stay with you and do whatever you want me to. Of course I'm unhappy because you're being unreasonable and selfish but I move on. I put you first and you should know that I gave up what I wanted for you. But you don't realize that. I rarely feel appreciated. Instead, you make a big fuss and become unhappy with me. Why? Because you can't deal with the fact that you're the reason why. You can't accept responsibility for my unhappiness and you can't handle letting go of me for happiness. Then when everyone around you is drowning in unhappiness, you decide that everything's back to normal and everyone needs to be happy again.

Je n'ai pas la patate aujourd'hui.