No words to describe my enthusiasm for college.

"YODO" was my first attempt at planning my classes.
Then came the time to actually enroll in them and before I even got the chance to step into the battle arena (yes, Julina, I'm using the exact same words), all classes filled.
Me: LIFE.

So then came the "BACKUP MOTHERFUDGER" :D

He. He... a hint of rage, yes, I agree, but I felt it was necessary.

G'luck enrolling tmrw!

Hello worlddd

and creepers who voluntarily choose to read this stuff (;

So I haven't been blogging lately. LOL, but see, now I actually have an excuse! Uh, yesterday night, I cut my finger really deep and so my left hand is just kinda.. dysfunctional. x_O"

So I was making myself an avocado smoothie and opened the can of condensed milk and SLICE--stupid sharp can cut my finger. So I ran it under cool water because well... it wouldn't stop bleeding. And then I wiped it with antiseptic cloths but it was still bleeding. So I just put pressure under the wound to cut off as much blood circulation as possible. By this point, I was beginning to feel light-headed. So I took hydrogen peroxide and poured it over the gash and it started fizzing and allathat. I sat down and literally just laid on the table 'cause I was too tired and hot and sweaty to do anything else. So my parents put the gauze bandages on my finger and yep. Just laid there. For a while. Until I was feeling more conscious. (: FIN.

Well, during the whole time, my parents ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Which was funny 'cause I was the one bleeding. xD But I couldn't laugh. Too weak.

NO WORRIES. The finger has stopped bleeding. & even though we had no idea what to do, turns out we pretty much took the right steps in all the commotion, so hopefully, finger heals soon! LOL, knowing my body, that's not gonna happen, but one can only hope for the best! (:

Hehe, so finally, yes, I decide to blog--when one of my fingers became handicapped. xD Oh, the irony.

Well, now I learned a lesson. (Can edges are sharp. x_O" LOL, jk, But no really, it hurt.)

Awkward for life

I told my ma how awkward I was. She laughed at me for a good ten minutes.

Sigh.

Kaichou ha Maid-sama!

Girl: "What are you doing here?! Since when did you start working part-time here!?"
Boy: x_O" "I'm not working here..."
Girl: "Then... that uniform?"
Boy: "No, it's just that I saw an acquaintance back there, and for some reason, I felt like stripping him."
Girl: "There is something wrong with you, as a human."

LOLOLOL, OMG, I DIED. AHAHAHHAHA.
Never though I'd ever "fangirl" (am I using that term correctly?) so badly for an anime guy. SO SAD.

Today

My uncle, knowing I'm lost, sends me this list of classes and whatnot. At the end of the email,

"Enjoy studying!"

I don't know why but I really don't think that's possible. Or at least, I don't know anybody who has ever enjoyed studying before... x_O"

Altera's End-of-Summer Company Picnic

• EYES OPEN WIDE AT THE FOOD. Even before checking in, I get a stick of blue cotton candy. Then on the way to the check-in, I grab a taquito.
• FOODFOODFOOD. Dear Tracy here got herself a veggie hot dog instead of a regular one and THEY LIED, IT'S NOT GOOD, at least this one wasn't. Don't know how she managed to eat it. Uh, Indian Samosa(?)... I don't think I'll ever be able to eat Indian food; I'm sorry. I tried.
• Tattooed Tim, but too high, BOO. So tattooed myself and Tracy also. SO PATRIOTIC. USA ALL THE WAY.
• Dyl & Na went to go get their faces painted but I was too busy nomming, so eh. Later.
• SPIDERMAN CREW. We musta looked crazy intimidating, walking around, all six of us like that. xD

• Bathtub racing. AHAHAH, Tiff got the fast one and girl went wild, knocking aside a cone. xD
• Rock climbing. OMG, lucky me got put directly facing the sun. x_O" AND no socks = barefoot climbing on hothothot surface. AND at the very edge = removed rock pegs = no place to climb onto = invading other guy's place = SORRYSORRYSORRY. But eventually I made it to the top. (Thanks to Trace, mostly. I was so frustrated, falling down so many times and burning myself and I'm like, okay, if Tray can do this, so can I. DETERMINATION... which leads me to my current state of being = flimsy, limp arm muscles = shaking hands. Ugh, high maintenance.)
• Bull riding. AHAAHAHHA, that kid in front of me told Na! "Spiderman could've held on longer if he wanted to! You're not Spiderman!" LOLOLOL. Then I go on and hang on for like, one second, and he says to me, "Good job! That was really good!" Me: The... fudge? "Thanks..."
• Watching Tim, Dyl, and Tiff rock climb. Tim got tangled in Dyl's ropes = more LOLOLOL. But that's cause Dyl kept going towards the sides and invading other ppl's paths. xD
• Obstacle course. Burned my heels while trying to stop myself from burning my skin. Nice going. x_O"
• BLAHBLAHBLAHROAROAROARMOMENTBUTALLGONENOW.

P.S. I really liked the facepainting ladies. *points to Trace* "Ooh, she's hot." Me: x_O" *slowly nods, not knowing what else to do/say* "Ooh, you look hot. Spiderman's gonna want to meet you..."

Oh, the things you don't know...

I've gotta get these dreams out of my head.

I was working at this small cafe and all of a sudden, this girl and guy came in. The guy stood by the door and played the guitar, while the girl walked around, singing happy go-lucky Jason Mraz-y songs. As she finished, she held out a a small red bucket and people just swarmed around her, taking out their wallets to find $20 bills. Each customer gave her a $20 and her partner traded five of them for $100 bills. By the time they were done counting, they had received more than $500 in cash from one small performance.

"impressive," I commented as I leaned against my cash register platform, intently watching the duo collect their money. The girl let out a friendly smile. The guy... He smirked.

Then we flash to another scene and I find out that my house was being sold for some reason and the guy from the cafe was there. My dad tried to break the news gently to me but I couldn't bear the thought of losing our newly acquired home. I tried to breathe, telling myself it'll be alright because we'll find a new home. Then I remembered--my garage. The walls that I spent hours decorating, filling with virtues and the most important words I could think of at the moment. I ran out and there it was--being painted over with plain old white paint. Those two walls represented who I was--the words I lived by every single day--and now it was all gone. I ran outside, so nobody could see me cry and began to sob for my home ceased to exist as my home. The guy from the cafe ran out after me and stood at the threshold for a second, unsure of what he was supposed to say. Realizing his existence and hesitation, I turned away and wiped my tears.


"What do you want?" I demanded angrily.

"I just came to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." With each word, I felt tears rushing to my eyes again and so, I turned away, hoping that my visitor would feel unwelcomed and leave. What I didn't expect was for him to wrap his arms around me and hold me until I had no more tears left. Normally, I wouldn't let a stranger hug me--let alone, touch me--but I was at my lowest point and something about him felt so familiar, so right.

"Thanks." I gently pushed out of his arms and started back inside to my father.

"Wait!"

I turn around to see him take off his lucky bracelet and offer to put it around my wrist. At that moment, my father came out and his Papa instincts forced him to step between me and the guy from the cafe. He halted all forms of communication between us, unsure of whether or not the cafe guy was the who caused me to cry. Cafe guy stood awkwardly in his spot, still holding one hand out to offer me his bracelet but instead of transferring  it to me directly, asking my father to hand it to me. My father obliged and gave me the bracelet which I examined for a moment before putting it on. It was one of those typical friendship bracelets with streams of blue throughout and a bead in the center. One could tell it was worn often, if not daily.

Seeing that we were done, my father started back inside the house, but I slowly fell behind. I knew my father would turn around if he didn't hear my footsteps following his back inside our former home, but it didn't matter at that moment. As the guy from the cafe turned to walk away, I laid a kiss of gratitude on his cheek and scampered back inside the house. I never saw his reaction but c'est la vie. It's not like I would ever see him again. Or so I thought.

ROARLALALARANT

Jessica's not responding.
So I go on AIM... Nobody's there.
I go on Youtube... Nothing to listen to.
I go on Facebook... I don't wanna interact with anybody.
Staring at the list of unread messages on my phone. I don't wanna talk, because I know that if I do, I'll say something bad and mean and awful and horrendous that I won't ever be able to take back and that I might not mean in the future but I sure as heck mean now.

So hi there, Blogspot. (: Wow, fakest smile on the history of this planet. Definitely frowning right now.
Let's start, yeah?

I miss you and you miss me and I know I haven't been spending that much time with you, but you know why? It's 'cause every single time I do, something bad happens and I don't like that. In public, she "loves" you and smothers you with her love and praises you and acts so sweet and wonderful and then when the curtain's closed, she pushes you away, throws you in a corner, almost, dare I say, abandons you.

And I hate that. Because she's your mother and a mother's love, no matter how meager, always trumps any other person's. Always.
So this might not be true to a lot of people, but I can see it in your eyes. You yearn to be loved by her and you would anything to make her notice you, even the wrong things, but--no excuses.

Can you imagine? Going to sleep in my lap, being assured that she was going to pick you up, because I already told her two times that you could not sleep over because I was busy the next morning. And what does she do? She makes sure you're asleep, then sends your sister to call me, and tells her to tell me (yes, I can hear you over the phone, goddanggit) that they'll be picking you up tomorrow. And there I sit, stranded, stuck from holding you in my lap with no support, left with no choice. But honestly? I'd cancel whatever the heck I was doing tomorrow for you. But that's not right. Leaving your child to do your dirty work like that? How low can you stoop? And you, just lying in my lap, so innocent, probably dreaming away since you're snoring like a gramma and I never want you to wake up into this reality. I don't want you to know that she would ever leave you.

And you waking up to nobody in sight, confused by what's going on, and when it finally hits you, you start to cry. Because that's the only thing you can do. And as much as I want to help you, I can't. Because you won't talk. Because you can't stop crying. Because this is your life and you know it.

I had the privilege (some may argue, detriment, but right now, I'm sticking with privilege) of being naive and innocent for so long. Frolicking in my flowing field of flowers. And I can't help but feel sorry that you were slapped into reality so hard at such a young age. Maybe it'll make you stronger, but right now, all I see is weakness. And if this is going to be your life, you're going to have to face it. I won't always be there to hold you, to caress you, to assure you that everything's going to be okay. It's not my role to play.

I shouldn't even be crying about this because really, it has nothing to do with me. But I cry because I feel helpless. Because I am helpless. And I can't help you anymore. Because that's the only thing I can do.

You'll probably get over this in the morning. Maybe not. But I'll never get over it. Not until she makes you her first priorities. Because right now, she is, not you.

I'll always love her and I'll always love you, but I can't do this. My mother says I care too much for other people and maybe she's right. Just seeing your genuine smile brings the biggest smile to my face, but it hurts a lot when things get ugly and things turn ugly really quickly.

I'll always be this way, you know? My wall of distrust is thickening, but I'll always be here when you need me to be. Key word: need, not want. When you take advantage of me though? Nah, that's where I draw the line.



I'm sorry for all the mean words. I'm sorry for publicly talking about you like this. I'm sorry my morals prevent me from saying all this to your face.

P.S. Knowing me, y'all probably know who this is. Most likely. Just please don't say anything. No questions/comments/etc. Please don't let my judgmental judgment influence your view of anybody ever.